Companions
by KissMeGoodbye15
Summary: Something happens to Clare that leaves her feeling completely alone in this world but no one's ever really alone. We've just yet to find our other half that completes us. AU eclare
1. Chapter 1

**Companions**

"Clare, I'm telling you, this makeover will have the Degrassi boys eating out of the palm of your hand. You look gorgeous!" Alli insisted.

I nervously tugged at the short dress Alli had me wear, "Uhm, I'm not so sure anymore Alli. Not only do I feel ridiculous, I look it too!"

"Pish posh, Clare! You look h-o-t, trust me! Now, come on." Alli said dragging me into the entrance of the party. People were dancing provocatively with each other and beers in almost every hand. I knew that a place like this was most definitely not my scene. My type of scene was like the library or Barnes & Noble...sometimes Starbucks, but then why was I here?

Alli had nearly begged me to come along.

Also, I felt as though I should have fun at least once in my life, right? Plus, my crush was hosting the party. Owen Milligan, total jerk to most but in my eyes he was downright almost perfect. I kind of hoped maybe this makeover would get his attention but I didn't plan on getting my hopes up for nothing.

I took a deep breath as we made our way through the crowd. I immediately felt out of place as everyone turned to look my way.

I nudged Alli, "I told you this was a bad idea!"

Alli rolled her eyes, "Shut up, they're staring at you because you look gorgeous!"

I honestly began to feel violated as I noticed that the guys were staring at my chest area. I had never exposed my body in this way before. Just as I began to contemplate whether or not to go home, because Alli was already off somewhere dancing with guys; Owen came up to me, " Hey, Clare...you look beautiful. Can I get you something to drink?"

"I-I-I.." I stammered but managed to mutter, "uhm...sure."

Owen chuckled, "Okay, I'll be back."

Alli saw from across the room and shot a thumbs up. Shortly, Owen came back and handed me a red cup.

"Drink up." He said.

I took a sip and almost gagged. Alcohol, bleh, it was disgusting to me.

"Come on, you should come chill over here with Me, Fitz and his boys." He said motioning over to the couch seated with guys.

I trailed behind him like a shy puppy.

In the coffee table in front of the couch was a pile of weed in the center. I knew what weed was but had never actually seen it up close and personal. I saw one of the guys already passing a blunt, and Owen and I were next in the rotation. I contemplated whether or not to try it but honestly I was tired of being so uptight. So I decided to loosen up a bit tonight. When it finally got to me, I took a couple of hits of the blunt, coughing.

They all laughed, "Hell yeah, ain't that shit good, Clare?" Fitz asked.

I didn't say anything, but gave a small smile as Owen grabbed my hand.

Suddenly, he said, "Let's go in the back room...so we can talk."

I just agreed, not liking being in large crowds anyways.

Owen led me down an incredibly long hallway. At the end of it was a small room with a twin sized bed and was lit by a red light. We both sat on the bed. I looked up into his eyes. I couldn't believe my dream was coming true. Owen was actually attracted to me and I was with him, the man of my **dreams**. I felt like I was walking on air. I couldn't wait to tell Alli about this, later. Owen stared at me for what felt a life time before he leaned in to kiss me forcefully. I was shocked, lightly started pushing him away from me, "Mm...w-wait a minute, Owen." I wanted him but not like this, not like this at all.

Owen completed ignored me, crushing all his weight on me as he got on top of me, kissing my neck.

"Owen, I don't like this. Please get off of me." I said pushing him with all my might.

"Do you think I'm stupid?...I've seen the way you look at me, you want me as bad as I want you so it'll be quick and easy if you don't fight it." He said as he pulled down his pants and boxers, rolling on a condom that he had pulled out of his back pocket.

Tears began to run down my face as it dawned on me what was about to happen. He yanked up my dress and tore my underwear as he raised me to him. I tried kicking but it was like I had lost the ability to control my body. I felt paralyzed with fear. It all happened so fast, sharp pains shot up my body. He threw his hand over my mouth and held me down as he pumped in and out. I felt guilty knowing it was my own fault, I had ended up in this. All my fault, maybe if I wasn't dressed like some cheap slut this wouldn't have been happening. I wanted nothing more right now than to be dead..

After he was done, he up and left the room, going back to the party like nothing happened.

I sat up in the bed, wrapping my arms around my legs, crying my eyes out. Words couldn't describe the pain I felt that night, both physically and mentally.

After a while passed, I gathered the strength to get up. I fixed my dress as best I could and made my way out of the party...everything felt like a blur, a completely surreal blur.

I ignored Alli calling my name as I stepped out of the doorway, I left that night a different person.

Saint Clare could **never** come back.

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><p><em>"There's a girl in the corner, with tear stains on her eyes, from the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide. She says "How did get here? I'm not who I once was and I'm crippled by the fear that I'd fallen too far to love."<em>

Everyday and every night all that ever runs through my head was why me? What did I ever do to deserve such pain? Does God hate me that much? I hate myself, I hate Alli, I hate Owen and most of all I hate God. Now I realize how much all of that religious crap was complete and utter bullshit. If this supposed "God" existed he wouldn't have made me suffer like this..

I spoke nothing of the incident, but then again who could I have possibly told?

Alli?

As if.. I hadn't spoken to her since that night...and it's been two months since that fretful night. Alli tried calling and calling, I ignored her each time. I guess she finally got the hint. I guess the reason why I can't bring myself to talk to her is because I can't help but blame her.

I don't know...

Maybe it's wrong to blame her but than again maybe it's not...

If it wasn't for her or her "little" makeover I would have never went to that party.

You can't even begin to imagine how hard school is, seeing him there, living his life like **nothing**. With no concern or conscience. He's a filthy, dirty bastard and I hope he rots in hell. He caused me so much pain, leaving me so traumatized I hardly recognize myself anymore. I've never hated myself more than now..

I snapped out of my thought when Ms. Dawes came over to my desk, putting her hand on my shoulder. I flinched back. I hated when people touched me, thoughts of him flowed back making me remember.

"Clare, are you alright? You seem a little pale."

It takes a second for me to say, "I feel a little sick. May I go see the nurse?"

She gives me a sympathetic look, "Sure, sweetie. I'll give you a pass."

She hands me a pass as I walk out the door. I wander around the halls; sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright but it's never enough..because then I open my eyes and reality hits me.

I eventually make it to the nurse's office, sitting outside is a lanky boy dressed in all black, slumped against a chair covering his right eye.

I wonder what happened to him..

but then again..I don't really care and it's none of my business.

I sit in the only other chair, which is next to him. We both sit quietly for a while. I pretend to be fascinated by the floor tiles, casually counting them in my head though, I don't know why but before I even notice, I blurt out, "What happened?"

He turns to look at me, a faint smirk appears on his face. "Ehh, life happened...c'est la vie." he says as the nurse comes out.

"Elijah, **again**, you may come in now."

_Elijah, _something about him caught my interest.

I had never seen him before, though I knew he musn't be new because of how acquainted he was with the nurse.

Surprisingly enough, the next day I saw him at school sitting on the floor against some lockers, reading a comic book. I still wondered why I had never noticed him before. I guess it's like once you notice something you start seeing that same thing everywhere because I saw him again at the library during lunch. No, I was not stalking him of any sort, he just happened to be everywhere I looked.

And I guess he noticed that...

"Are you...like following me...or something?" he asked.

I tried to steady my voice, "..No."

He raised an eyebrow, "Sure about that?"

Instead of replying I caught myself staring at his severely bruised eye. He saw me looking at it so he cleared his throat, "Nevermind." he said walking off down the hall.

Great, as if I don't already always come off as a weirdo, some guy thinks I'm stalking him. I sigh, walking towards my next class when I bump into a small body, "Sorr-" it begins to say but then stops.

Alli.

She looks up at me with sad eyes and continues her way. I really do miss her but...I-I can't...I can't be around any part of my old life.


	2. Chapter 2

"Clare! Dinner is ready!" My mom shouted up the stairs.

I used to love to eat, especially my mom's cooking but now I don't really care for food at all. Nothing looks appetizing to me anymore and no matter how much I eat, there's this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. An empty feeling that won't go away..

I made my way downstairs towards the kitchen. "Hey, sweetie...why the long face?" my mom questioned, dicing fresh tomatoes.

I shrugged. "It's nothing. I just have a bit of a headache, that's all." I forced a small smile.

"Oh. Okay then. How was school?" she asked as she went around to set the table for her and I.

I could tell my mom wanted to make conversation but I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"It was okay.." I answered but then shortly added, "Actually, I don't feel too good. Can I just go to bed?"

"But aren't you hungry?"

I shook my head. "I feel rather nauseated.."

She frowned with concern. "I guess...goodnight sweetie. I'll see you in the morning."

I felt bad for leaving her to eat alone but I just can't do it.

Once I shut off the lights and threw myself on my bed, pulling the sheets up to my neck, I snuggled the closest stuffed animal.

Sleep was my only escape but even then **he'd** bother me in my dreams as well, turning them into nightmares.

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><p>It was always incredibly hard walking into school every morning...I can't even begin to explain why or how. As I walk through those doors, my mind is immediately clouded with all of these irrational thoughts.<p>

**They are all judging you.**

**Cheap slut. Whore. Bitch. Fatass. You're not good enough. Everyone hates you. Your hair is ugly. Your clothes are crap. **

I shake my head, rubbing my temples. I just wish these thoughts would go away but they won't. I tell myself, "It's all in my head." because it really is but I can't help but let them bother me.

My heart pounds so loud I feel as though I can feel it throughout my whole body. My palms began to get sweaty, my vision blurs.

I clench and unclench my fists as a way to find relief but it doesn't help.

I feel like I'm _going to die_.

I run straight to the girls' bathroom, finding it fairly full. I go to the closest stall and lock it. I fall against the wall, my head between my legs.

Stay calm.

You can do this. You'll be alright. It's all in your head, Clare...all in your head.

My jagged breaths cause pain to ride up my throat, along with my breakfast.

I feel like I'm going to _vomit_.

I sit on the toilet as I calm down but my heart still pounds out of control.

As I hear the last of the girls' exit, I heavily sob, "Why do I have to be like this?"

Why can't I be normal? Is that too much to ask for?

I wipe my tears on the back of my sleeve, checking the time on my watch. 7:55...class starts in five minutes.

I know I should go but I really can't deal with it. Maybe I'll just hang out here for a while?

An idea comes to me, as I pull out my cell phone. I quickly dial the number, mustering up the best motherly-like voice I have. "Yes, I'd like to notify you that my daughter, Clare Edwards, will be out sick today. Yes, thank you. You have a good day too, ma'am." I click end.

I open the stall door and brush off any dirt that may have gotten on my pants. I sigh as I look in the mirror.

Suddenly I hear male voices in the hall outside. "**Really**? Can't you guys just leave me the fuck alone?" Then there was a hard slam against something. "Shut the hell up, faggot boy!" Again, there was a slam and a thud to the ground.

A boy vigorously ran into the girls' bathroom, running into the counter of sinks. It took me a moment to realize that this guy was the same guy that thought I was "stalking" him. _Elijah_. But why were people bullying him? He seemed like a decent person, to me.

His heavy panting filled the silent washroom. "I wasn't stalking you.." For some reason I muttered.

He slowly turned to look at me, what a mess I must have looked. Puffy, red, blood-shot eyes, face swollen and blotched from crying.

"What do you mean?" he questioned. I couldn't help but notice his bruised eye from the other day looked even worse than before.

"The other day you asked if I was stalking you...I'm not though."

His mouth made an O shape. "I was...just kidding, you know." His eyes shot to the ground. "Can we pretend that **that** didn't happen?" his voice almost comes out as a whisper.

I understood what he meant but I so badly wanted to know why it happened.

I just nodded my head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for this short chapter!**

* * *

><p>I couldn't help but be curious with what was going on with that Eli guy and his tormentors. Though I hardly knew him, I felt for him. I really did. But how could I find out what was wrong? Do I just go up to him and ask him? No. He'd probably deny it all..<p>

I don't know. I guess I'd have to get him to trust me?

"Uh...hey, Eli." I awkwardly said as I took a seat next to him on the picnic table outside.

I waited for some sort of response as he finished chewing his apple.

"Hi." He muttered. "Not to be rude but...why are you talking to me?"

"What do you mean?" I raised an eyebrow. "Besides I thought we had totally bonded those times before." I joked, lightly bumping his shoulder.

He stared at the ground when he spoke. "It's just that...people don't really talk to me. Well not on purpose."

I was shocked. Why wouldn't anyone want to talk to him? He seemed like a genuinely nice and decent guy. And he wasn't so bad looking either. "Why don't people talk to you?"

"They think I'm some **freak of nature**...or whatever." He shrugged.

"Wow, high schoolers can be so idiotic and cruel." I rolled my eyes. "If it counts for anything...I think you seem like a great guy."

He slightly blushed, quickly turning his face away from mine. "Thanks." He said silently. "So...what about you? Where are all of your friends?"

I merely shrugged. "Friends? Alas, I'm more of the loner type."

He smirked. "Guess we have something in common."

He stared off into the distance for a bit til he finally spoke. "If you were to just off of a building, would you want to go face up or down?"

I thought for a minute, "..I guess face up? Just kick back and enjoy the ride, ya know?" Though just the thought of death scared the crap out of me. I could never imagine my thoughts just completely ending one day.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. He nodded his head. "I'd want to see it coming..." He looked up at the sky. "...Yeah, I'd definitely want to see it coming."

After school, I avoided all of my mom's meaningless conversation through dinner. Hell, I avoided the food on my plate as well. I can't remember when I actually **ate** a meal.

Too long ago...

When I finally settle into my big comfy bed, sleep didn't seem to want to come. Tossing and turning repeatedly, foot out of covers, foot inside covers. Nothing.


End file.
